Perhaps Our Journey Sounds Like Your Journey?

Step families, step children, substance abuse- We affectionately call it Camp Chaos

The first time I met Lisa she was eighteen and sitting in jail. She is now 47 and in my relationship with her, I’ve learned more than I have from almost anyone in my life.  It’s been years of brutal teachings.

I met Charlie when I was a young single mother.  His daughter. Lisa was eighteen and already out of the house.  (And at that time, in jail.)  Charlie and I started our life together, a dysfunctional and fractured Brady Bunch with baggage all around.

Lisa was an “addict.”  I decided I was her savior and let the games begin.  Here is a brief retrospective of a very long relationship.  The first twenty years were spent with Lisa misusing substances, being arrested, being let out, being in detox, being in rehab, relapse, living on the street, going back to jail and the cycle kept spinning.   During those years, I begged, pleaded, threatened, cajoled, flipped out, hung up, sent cops to find her, sent her needle point pillows with encouraging messages (like that should help, right?) wrote letters, scolded, prayed, retreated, gave up, came back with renewed powers of destruction.  During those decades, Lisa didn’t like me.  I don’t know why.

It was about ten years ago; I had a spiritual epiphany that knocked me off my feet and threw me off my game.  I was being called to “love, accept and forgive.”  That was the message.  It was a gentle directive.  The “LAF” message transformed my life and every relationship I have.  I’m called to “love, accept and forgive” myself so I can love, accept and forgive others. 

Charlie and I went to see Lisa, living in a sober house.  We sat with her, and we both asked her to please love, accept and forgive us for all the yelling, threatening, judging and for all the ways we failed her.  She looked across the table at us and in all seriousness asked, “Are you guys high?” 

We assured her we were not.  I asked her to forgive me and told her I finally figured out my job is to love her.  Just love her.  Keep my boundaries, so my serenity isn’t flushed, but to love her with my whole heart.  And that is when the real learning began. We changed our language.  Words are powerful.  Words can be corrosive or healing.  We changed the word “addict” to person with “substance use disorder.”    We did a better job speaking with one another because we changed how we THOUGHT.  That changed our hearts and our actions.  During this time, Lisa got certified as a professional dog groomer.  She always said, “Dogs are better than people.”  She’s not wrong.

When she is straight, she makes a good living taking care of her four-legged best friends.  When she trips up, we love her just the same.  The roller coaster of emotions, while still filled with fear and sadness we are no longer bungee jumping off a tower.

 Because of my relationship with Lisa and I have created something that may be helpful in your life.  It’s free.  It’s called the Soulful Forest.  It is a metaphorical journey that may bring some serenity, understanding, compassion and love.  It’s about connection.   And at its core, it’s a children’s substance use prevention project.

One in eight children (8.7 million) aged seventeen or younger have lived in households with at least one parent who had a past year substance use disorder. (SUD)  Samhas.gov   That doesn’t include older siblings who may have SUD.  As children are wonderful observers and terrible interpreters, the messages they receive from living in the turmoil, can be destructive to their mental and emotional health.   My two daughters witnessed the craziness as I tried to hammer Lisa into compliance.  They are adults now, but they always loved Lisa but thought I was a lunatic.   Fair enough.

Lisa and I, together, along with our entire oddball family, wish you and your family, love, acceptance, forgiveness, serenity and compassion.  The gentle loving approach does not contradict tough love.  “No” is still a full sentence.  It’s a different heart set inside the Soulful Forest.

Please visit the website SoulfulForest.org.   All of the activities can be downloaded and printed. The music, by Disney composer, David Friedman, may inspire and comfort everyone.  The video about dopamine can be helpful for kids trying to understand, “Why can’t they just stop?” 

Lisa is on her journey, as I am on mine.   Sometimes she slips, most times she is hanging tough, living life on life’s terms.  She is funny, sweet, empathetic, strong, resilient and has a Divine purpose.  Lisa touches my heart and soul like no other person in my circle. She is my teacher and as we talk, we have more in common than I would have ever imagined than when I met that defiant eighteen-year-old, all those years ago.

Love from,

Terry      Founder & Chief Enthusiast of the Soulful Forest

& Lisa’s very proud step monster.